Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
