how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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