Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
