He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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