Where did you get a picture of my penis
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
