He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
