im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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