We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
