i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
