He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
