I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
