Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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