come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
