someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
