you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
