she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Shame is for Republicans.
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