no you cant smoke seaweed
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
