At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
