woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
