just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
