Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
