party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so let's talk penis.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
