I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
