I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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