do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
