I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
