well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
