First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
