how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
