I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Randomize
