guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
