i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
