everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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