Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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