you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Houston, we have a blender
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize