WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
