In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
