Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
