Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
