so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
