3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
