yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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