how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
