Are we in a gay sports bar?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
