you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
