I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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