I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
