guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
