it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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