In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
