How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
