She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
