I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
