Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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