new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
