After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you had me at cake vodka
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
