i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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