She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
