so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need a beard to bite.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize