the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
