I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
