I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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