i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
