If i come over, it means nothing
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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