this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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