He told me they were just razor bumps!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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