How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize