dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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