I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
