she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
