don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize