Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
