What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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