I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
