I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
how drunk are you?
Several
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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