I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
