Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
