I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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