Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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