I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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