8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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