How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
