Define "chronic" masturbator.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
