it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
