i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
