this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
