In America we eat man semen.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
