; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
