well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
