The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
