I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
