Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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