she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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